Dr Robotnik's Tea Stand
by GengarFan3
Summary: AoStH Robotnik decides to open up a tea stand in the Battle Resort. Wynaut in the Seaside Hill Zone instead? Because hipsters. But will his business survive with the Hot Topic Krew, Waluigi, and Tentacruel as enemies?
1. Ch 1: Tea Time Coming Soon

**Chapter 1: Tea Time... Coming Soon**

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgheog Robotnik, AKA AoStH Robotnik, stood at the gates of the popular resort, the Battle Resort, with his idiotic minions Scratcher and Grounder standing at his side. The doctor took a deep breath of the tropical air, enjoying the fragrance.

"You smell that, boys?" Robotnik asked his companions. "It's the smell of money and sweet tropical breezes!"

"I only smell Palutena gas!" Scratcher groaned before his waved the scent away from his beak. Grounder, not having a proper nose, couldn't smell anything.

"Whatever, nincombots," Robotnik grumbled. "Either way, I am going to make millions here!"

"Why not make a tea stand over at the Seaside Hill Zone?" Grounder wondered.

"Because I am a hipster, and all hipsters hip hips!" the fat scientist roared. "Besides, that place has enough stands anyways. No one needs to see another stand there. And to go on top of that, this place is getting even more popular than that generic seaside, thanks to the Battle Tower being nearly completed!"

"I sure do hope Game Freak actually puts the Battle Frontier in Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire in future updates!" Grounder squealed.

"You competitive players... I swear, would you guys do anything besides run around the frontier all day?" Robotnik nagged.

"Of course!" Scratcher clucked. "We'd breed perfect IV Pokémon and waste time in Super Secret Training!" Robotnik sighed at this, mostly because his two dumbass minions have no idea whatsoever on being competitive in Pokémon. Or anything, really.

"Either way, I'm going to get rich here!" the scientist cheered. What he failed realize however, was that his group were being watched by a certain, greedy, and lanky plumber.

"Waa? So, that fatty is trying to set up a stand here?" Waluigi, who was sitting on one of the cabins not to far away, said. "You know, I guess it couldn't hurt to set a stand up on this place either." With that, Waluigi laughed maniacally, before leaping off of the cabin and wandering over to the docks. I guess you could say he was snooping as usual. And that I made that predicitable joke, this chapter can end.


	2. Ch 2: Tentacle Hentai

**Chapter 2: Tentacle Hentai**

Robotnik, sitting at his tea stand set up next to the Battle Mansion, was ticked off. He hadn't obtained any customers since earlier today and was wondering why business was slow. His question was answered when he heard the shriek of a Gardevoir.

"Help! I'm being raped by this Tentacruel!"

"What?!" Robotnik gasped. "This can only mean one thing... tentacle hentai! And I hate hentai more than I hate that stupid hedgehog!"

"How can WE help?" Grounder, who had finally came back from his Meme Convention in Slateport, said. He was donning his ridiculous King Harkinian costume.

"I'll show you how you can help!" Robotnik replied as he grabbed his stupid serving by his drill hands. The fat villain dragged him down towards the beach, rolling around at the speed of sound in the process. Nearly immediately, he spotted the Tentacruel, surrounded by perverts who just wanted their dongs to expand. Robotnik sighed at this display of ignorance as he tossed his minion at one of the red spots on the Tentacle Pokémon's head. Poking through the spot with his drill nose, causing what seemed to be blood squirting out of it.

"Damn! My strawberry jelly!" Tentacruel screamed as he flung Gardevoir towards the beach.

"Wait, that shit is jelly?" Gardevoir wondered.

"Curse you, Dr. Robotnik!" Tentacruel continued. "I will return! With ham! Evil ham!" With that, the Pokémon sunk into the murky depths of the sea.

"He stole my joke!" Sonic Boom Eggman whined as he showed up out of thin air. However, since nobody liked him, they all just walked away as he cried like a baby.

"Stupid whining Pingas," Robotnik grumbled to himself. "Seriously, why can't SEGA realize that I am the best Eggman?"

" Because you're clearly not?" Grounder groaned. This enraged his master, who fired a kamehameha at the poor robot. Oh well, Grounder survived anyways, so who cares about that. All that matters is that Robotnik is a badass.


	3. Ch 3: Where's Scratcher?

**Chapter 3: Where's Scratcher?**

Grounder sighed at the battle between Robotnik and Waluigi, which had been going on for hours. Waluigi was clearly losing, as it looked like everyone's favorite version of Eggman was barely breaking a sweat while beating up the purple pest.

"Woot! This is one hell of a fight!" and old man, who had better observing the fight, chanted.

"Wait a second!" Grounder cried out, realizing something important. "I forgot to find Scratcher during our game of hide-and-seek before I left for the convention!" The robot panicked for a bit until he realized that Scratcher most likely hadn't gotten far. "I wonder where he is. Probably hiding inside the Battle Mansion, staring at those chicks that run that cruddy facility."

**XxXx**

"It has been a whole day, and Grounder still hasn't found me?!" Scratcher, who was hiding deep in the ground, said. "Course, it was a bad idea to dig a long tunnel until my arms grew tired." The chicken robot stretched his arms and yawned, before looking above him. "I suppose it is time to show myself anyways." He then proceeded to dig through the roof of sand above him, quickly reaching the edge of the ground. Popping his head through the sand, he realized that he was not at the Battle Resort, but instead was at the Seaside Hill Zone, which was covered by an orange sky. The robot just sat there with a look of confusion on his metallic face, wondering how in the hell he wound up here and what exactly happened here in the first place.

"What the hell was that sound?" a voice from behind Scratcher said. The chicken robot turned around to discover that the voice belonged to Morshu, who was with Mewtwo, Fat Pikachu, Falco, Crazy Hand, and the Kirby Crew.

"Probably that guy," Mewtwo stated while pointing at Scratcher, who dug himself out of the hole he was in.

"Well, if it isn't Back Scratcher!" Morshu joked.

"You know I hate that nickname," Scratcher replied.


	4. Ch 4: Spoiler Alert

**Chapter 4: Spoiler Alert**

"Why did you gather us, Robuttnik?" Waluigi asked. He, Robotnik, Grounder, Tentacruel, and Boom Eggman were all gathered on the pier of the Battle Resort.

"I have accomplished one of the greatest achievements of all time!" Robotnik bragged. "I have seen the future!"

"Sure, and I'm Santa Clause!" Tentacruel said with loads of sarcasm in his voice.

"It's true, you fool!" Robotnik argued. "And, I have discovered that soon, the Cute Toot House will begin to fall apart soon!"

"What? Why?" Boom Eggman wondered.

"It seems that the brawl at the mall right now will wound them. However, it seems that they will keep going, and will try to help some sort of club called the WAA Weirdos Emissary, who will obviously not accept the help."

"Where'd you get this info from?" Waluigi asked.

"Tumblr, obviously!" Dr. Robotnik answered. Everyone just sat there for a few moments before everyone else minus Grounder laughed at the statement.

"Wow, that is absolute nonsense!" Boom Eggman chuckled as everyone else made their separate ways.

"You can kiss my ass when it happens and I am proven right!" Robotnik shouted.

"We know that you would love that!" Waluigi spat as he left Robotnik and Grounder's sight.

" I believe you, boss," Grounder said. Robotnik actually smiled. He may have had shitty goons, but they were faithful to him. "By the way, do you know what else will happen?"

"Well, I at least can guarantee that the CTH will try to change their name to the "Heroes of Light". Because of that, they will get sued over copyright infringement. Mega Man will head out to help that emissary I discussed. But... while I do know more, I can't say anything else. That was enough spoiler worthy info."

"MOAR!" Moar Krabs said from behind the duo.

"Sweet Arceus, not this dork!" Robotnik screamed before the duo split up, running away from the mutated crab.


	5. Ch 5: Invitations

**Chapter 5: Invitations**

"It's a shame we can't play any more games, Scratcher," Grounder sighed as the two robotic idiots were watching children play in he sands of the Battle Resort.

"Yeah, but I can understand why the boss doesn't want us to," Scratcher said. "After all, we don't want that last situation to repeat itself."

"Meh, can't beat that logic," Grounder sighed. "Especially considering that I lack a brain to argue with it anyways..."

"Guess what, nimrods!" Robotnik teasingly said to his minions from behind. "I have an invitation!"

"Golly boss, where are ya going?" Scratcher asked.

"It seems some lame brains down at the redundant Seaside Hill want me with them for a meeting," Robotnik answered. "But, this means one of you has to stay here and guard my stand while I am out, and the other has to come with me!"

"I might as well be the one to stay," Scratcher volunteered. "After all, I've had enough exploring for a while."

"Sounds good. Grounder, pack your things, cause we're leaving for a boat to Seaside Hill in a few hours!"

"OK. See ya later, Scrather!" Grounder said while he dashed towards the Battle Resort hotel, run by Fastidious Beaver.

"Hmm... looks like Robuttnik is heading away from here..." Tentacruel commented from afar in the ocean. "Looks like it may be a good time to get my revenge... or more evil ham, cause I'm hungry."

"I wonder what exactly this meeting is all about anyways..." Robotnik said. "Probably something stupid, like those anime conventions or whatever the hell they call those country music festivals these days... damn, I sure do hate country music."

"Then you can suck my Pingas! Country music rocks!" Tim McGraw insulted the fat scientist.

"What?! You will pay for stealing my line, overrated dick!" Robotnik shot back.


	6. Ch 6: Robotnik's Pissed

**Chapter 6: Robotnik's Pissed**

"WHAT THE PINGAS?!" Robotnik shouted, noticing his stand, completely destroyed and spray painted with red paint. "PINGAS PINGAS PINGAS PRRRROMOTON PINGAS PINGAS WRRRRRROOOOOOAAAARRRRR PEEKO!"

"What's the boss ticked off about?" Grounder asked Scratcher, the both of them watching a Pokémon Battle between Lance and Cynthia not too far away.

"Looks like someone trashed the stand," Scratcher said, looking back at the stand. "Oh, and Waluigi's stand is wrecked too!"

"Waa?! As if I haven't gone through enough shit lately!" Waluigi yelled, running towards his stand.

"Do you think Tentacruel did it?" Grounder wondered.

"Naw, he's too stupid to do something like that," Scratcher said. "Maybe Boom Eggman had something to do with it?"

"Don't pin this on me, punks!" Boom Eggman said not too far behind them. "Some fool ruined my Egg Mobile, which means I'm stuck on foot!"

"Gahahaha!" Tentacruel laughed. "I have created the deadliest weapon the world will ever know!"

"Oh brother," Lace sighed as his battle ended.

"Meet the wrath of Giga Magikarp!" Tentacruel continued. A Magikarp with the body of a Gyarados rose out of the sea, scaring the inhabitants of the Battle Resort.

"Oh, an appetizer before I eat the Mutliverse Police Crew's HQ!" Galactus roared before devouring the giant Magikarp, which pissed off the tentacle creature very much.

"Come on! I fed that thing over 9000 tons of Evil Ham to get him like that!" Tentacruel cried out before bawling his eyes out.

"I guess today is "Tick Off Everyone Day" or something, huh?" Scratcher sighed before making a sandcastle.

"That does it! I'm going to find out who did this, and you're going to help me, Waluigi, whether you like it or not!" Robotnik screamed.

"I was just about to suggest the same thing! From now one, we are the Stand Master Crew!" Walugi agreed.


	7. Ch 7: To Town 64

**Chapter 7: To Town 64**

"I hope I have enough scrap metal back here for this..." Dr. Robotnik groaned, rummaging around in the small cabin he now owned. "Hmmm... well old bud, it seems I only have half of what we need.

"That's fine, any amount will contribute greatly," Morshu said. "Besides, I now where we can get some more."

"Really? Where?" Robotnik asked.

"You've heard of Town 64, right?"

"Oh yeah! That small town in between Melee City and Station Square!"

"The town's junkyard is not only just that, but it also has a black market, where one can buy the highest quality of whatever they want," Mewtwo informed the doctor. "We could get more than enough metal if we have the right goods or a high amount of cash."

"Well, I did just steal a huge amount of Evil Ham from Tentacruel earlier, and we all know how much that stuff fetches on the black market!" Robotnik exclaimed. "Haha! My Pingas is expanding at the possibilities of useful stuff we could get!"

"That's fucking disturbing," Mewtwo thought inside his head. "Anyhow, what's even better is that a big concert is going on at that place later tonight, which means that all the police will be distracted by the concert's chaos, and that means more criminals will be arriving, meaning a higher chance of high quality goods."

"When do you think we should move out?" Robotnik wondered.

"I say we head out in about an hour. Otherwise it will be pretty late and the later we get there, the less stuff there usually is," the psychic Pokémon said.

"But Harkinian isn't here yet, and we need to tell him what's going on," Morshu said.

"Bah, we can have that Fat Pikachu fellow stay here and tell the king where we went," Robotnik replied. "By the way, where is he?"

"Mugging Waluigi for no reason, appearently," Mewtwo answered, staring out the window. Outside, Fat Pikachu was smashing Waluigi on the head with a hammer.

"Ha! This is good entertainment!" exclaimed Morshu, chuckling at the lanky plumber's misery.


End file.
